This is my story. I am going to
tell you about the 10 minutes I was in active labor with my son. Which was the
start to my early years, the early years of being a parent and the early years
of my son’s life.
I was
admitted into the hospital at 3pm Tuesday July 27, 2010. At this point my water
had broken but I was not having contractions so the doctors gave me medicine to
help get the process started. Around 10pm I had asked for some pain medicine to
help with the pain. After I got that dose of medicine I didn’t remember too
much until 1am Wednesday morning. At that time I thought I needed more medicine
but wanted to go to the bathroom first.
While
trying to walk to the bathroom I realized that no I didn’t need to go to the
bathroom, I just needed to push this baby out. I was a little nervous but had
taken some birthing classes to help me prepare for this AMAZING experience. So,
I called the nurse in and told her I felt like it was time. She did not believe
me because a little while prior to that they had checked me to see my progress
and I wasn’t very far. When she rechecked she said, “Yes, it is time to push
this baby out.”
So,
this where the fun begins. The nurse called the midwife in and we got the show
on the road. I was worried that it would take a long time because all the
stories I had heard about your first child being the worst labor and taking the
longest. So onward with the experience of a life time.
It was
time, as I was pushing I was extremely calm compared to some. Once I had gave
birth there was no better feeling in the world than having my baby son lay on
me and look at me. I know everybody has their own experience giving birth, some
bad and some good, but my overall experience becoming a mother, including
pregnancy was the best feeling in the world, and changed my life, but I would
not change it for anything.
The thesis statement is well pronounced " The early years of being a parent, and the early years of my sons life". Your punctuation and grammer is good. I would have liked more detail of the emotions you had after your son was born and you were looking in his eyes. Also would have liked more discription of who was there, how the hospital room made you feel. Other then maybe a little more detail, I think you did a nice job on your essay.
ReplyDeleteI think your thesis statement is good, it clearly states what you will be writing about. My only concern with it is, that it is the only real part of your first paragraph. I would either combine it with the first paragraph or go into more detail about where you will be going with the topic.
ReplyDeleteI think you have really good bones to your supporting paragraphs, but i think they need some more details about what was happening around you, or going through your head at these times.
Your thesis statement was easy to point out and clear. I myself have two babies and my experience was totally different from each other. I would like to see a little bit of details like how you were feeling (tired, exhausted, scarred, confuse) I didn't see any grammer so good job.
ReplyDeleteI like the the story.Maybe tell a little bit about the time leading up to the hospital. It was easy to pick up what the story was going to be about. Maybe be more descriptive about the setting of the hospital and the people there. Tell about how you felt befor during and after the birth. Maybe some sights and sounds. Nice story.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I didn't catch any grammatical errors. I liked your story, your thesis is clear. Although this is an emotional story, you could possibly elaborate on your details of this experience a little further to bring more emotion into the story. Good job.
ReplyDeleteYou had a good thesis statement, very clear what this was going to be about. I would have liked a little more detail on what you did throughout the night. I'm not going to act like know what it is like to give birth to a child but I was very involved when my daughter was born and there was so much little stuff that happened. I did not see any errors or typos. Overall I think you did a good job.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the difference between a nurse and a midwife? Giving birth is one of my worst fears, because I am scared of pain, needles, and hospitals. I am sure it is well worth it in the end when you have your beautiful baby in your arms. I would try and add some more details. I did not catch any grammical errors, and this is the first essay I have not so great job on that! You thesis was very well conveyed in your first paragraph. Overall awesome job!
ReplyDeleteSuch a great experience to share! For the sake of your story, I would change your intro paragraph just a bit. No need to tell us WHAT you're going to write about. Instead, set the scene. Where were you when you decided on that Tuesday that you'd like to go to the hospital? Or something like that. Giving some details about how you felt, what you heard, what was said, etc. help us re-live the experience with you. This is the function of narrative. Instead you kind of bring us to the climax and then talk about how you wouldn't change having your son despite some changes to your life...keep us in the hospital room with you at the end.
ReplyDeleteGood thesis statement right away, and very good flow through out the essay. Would like to see some more detail about the whole experience. No major errors that I found, good job
ReplyDelete